Going to the mattresses.

Go to the mattresses. It means you have to go to war. It's not personal. It's business. It's not personal. It's business.

I have been going to the mattresses for about a week. Tomorrow, I hit the mattresses head on and face to face. Well, cell phone to cell phone, but still HEAD ON.

The worst possible thing that might happen to me academically HAPPENED. I learned that I failed my comprehensive exam.

Huh?

I know, right?!

Now I am going to the mattresses to fight for my work. I am not going to take this lying down. (Note the clever, and un-intended pun.) I am trying to "play nice" and get along in order to move forward in an academic sense, but at the same time I am boiling, oozing, seething, mad.

However...

The worst possible thing that might happen to me academically HAPPENED. And I have survived. My life did not end. The earth did not cease to turn.

I AM NOT MY EXAM.

I am still a crazy genius. I am smart. I am capable. I am nothing if but determined. I will go to the mattresses confidently and articulately. And, should the result not be what I hope for, then I will continue to fight. I will continue to be smart, sexy, funny, capable, and a genius.

Simply, crap happens. But I choose to move away from the stink.

Just a little patience.

I am not a patient person. There are far too many times that I want something and I want it NOW. I don't think I have an impulse control disorder; but sometimes I wonder. I want to know the results of my comp exam and I want to know NOW. I think I need to find my iPod and get lost in some good ol' G&R...

intraPERSONAL cOnFlicT.

Too often I find myself tossing and turning in bed in the early hours of a new day. Too often the thoughts that race through my mind are the SERIOUS questions that might better be entertained over lively dinner conversation with intelligent, open-minded, and close friends. And then there are the questions that seem too personal to escape the confines of my skull or even allow the words to cross my lips. It's a heavy way to start/end/start?/end? a day. Honestly, I don't know if I am coming or going at this point. I am not in a place of despair. I am not in need of rescue. I would like my monkey brain to shut off and find some peace in my heart. Sometimes the most difficult questions we face in our lives are sitting never so silently in the most active and dangerous chambers of our souls. The battle is difficult tonight...Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace?